June 16, 2014
Like a lot of guys of a certain age, I have a bunch of vinyl records that I never play.
The albums are up in the attic, a torturous environment of humidity in the summer and brittle cold in the winter. What a terrible way to treat these slices of my musical past.
It’s true there are a few gems in the box — some XTC, a Warren Zevon record or two, a few Led Zeppelin albums, my complete collection of Beatles LPs (British versions!), Tom Petty’s “Damn the Torpedoes” and the Who’s “Live at Leeds.”
But there’s a bunch of garbage, too.
So here it is: My list of the five most embarrassing records from the cardboard box in my attic:
The Firm: “The Firm”
Jimmy Page and Paul Rodgers teamed up in this lame “super group.” I was in high school when they put out “The Firm” in 1985, and I felt like anything from Jimmy Page was going to be great. At the time, I thought it was. I even saw the Firm in concert — twice!
Robert Plant: “Shaken ‘n’ Stirred”
Again with the worshiping of anything associated with Led Zeppelin. This is another forgettable record from 1985. I guess I liked the single “Little by Little.” But geez, look at these track titles: “Doo Doo a Do Do” and “Hip to Hoo.”
Paul McCartney: “Give My Regards to Broad Street”
Some lame lyrics in the main single (“No More Lonely Nights”) from this record: “I can wait another day, until I call you. You’ve only got my heart on a string, and everything aflutter.” It’s true this record has some decent remakes of McCartney’s Beatles songs, but the new material is tepid. Plus, just look at this album cover.
What on earth? I bought this “picture disc” during my R.E.M. fan boy period. I suppose I figured it was cool and rare. It retrospect, it’s dumb. I don’t even know what’s on this thing … an interview with the band, I think.