Mike’s Monday Morning Pep Talk

April 6, 2015

By 7:30 a.m., you’ll get punched in the face by the realization that an hour of alarm-clock snoozing was the best horrible idea you’ve ever had — and the kids need to be on their way to school in 20 minutes. It takes 20 minutes just to get that one damn sock on just right.

By 9 a.m., you’ll have about a thousand new emails, as everyone you work with shakes off the weekend and catches up on the things they didn’t quite wrap up on Friday. Because who really wraps things up on Friday?

By 9:02 a.m., you’ll remember that 80 percent of the normal working day is full of meetings. Status meetings, planning meetings, meetings to discuss meetings. Meanwhile, three thousand more emails.

By 10 a.m., you’ll curse the name of the savage beast who drank the last cup of coffee without brewing another pot. 10 a.m. is clearly still within regular coffee-drinking time, and you should not have to suffer through this evil surprise — not to mention wait for the brewing — to slam your fourth cup of morning joe.

By 11:30 a.m., you’ll swear to all that’s holy — and a few things that aren’t — that you’re gonna make a difference and change the culture and shake things up and eliminate slow, unproductive meetings. Right after this next meeting. And the next one.

By noon, you’ll have said, no fewer than four times, “How the hell is it almost noon already?!” No one will have a reasonable answer. There is no reasonable answer. And by the time you recognize this, it’s almost 1 — and you still haven’t had lunch.

By 2:15 p.m., you’ll ask if anyone else would drink some afternoon coffee if you brewed another pot. Seven extras from “The Walking Dead” grunt in the affirmative.

By 3:45 p.m., you’ll overhear at least two colleagues making plans for a late lunch, giving up, and then eating stale gluten-free pretzels left over from a staff meeting. Three months ago.

By 4 p.m., you’ll scream “How the hell is it 4 already?!” There’s no joke to make here. Seriously, how the hell is it always almost 4 already?

By 5 p.m., you’ll rearrange tomorrow’s to-do list and notice it bears a striking resemblance to today’s to-do list. Then you suggest to a colleague a Newcastle Brown Ale would taste excellent right now because they’re a client and it’s research, all right?!


Sounds like fun, right? Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Everything will start to come around eventually. Just wait it out. Mondays will get better. You’ll get more productive. The emails will slow down. No worries.

Come on. You know better than that. You know it sounds ridiculous for me to say “just keep on keepin’ on,” but how many times have you indeed just kept on keepin’ on, waiting for things to magically get better?

My friend Garrick Van Buren recently wrote about his ideal day. Whatever your ideal day looks like, you’re never going to get there until you try to get there. What are you going to do on Friday to make Monday better? What are you going to do to make your afternoon more productive? How are you going to handle the increasingly bonkers demands on your time? Grab that Monday bull by the horns and get after it.