BattleFight Vol. I: Voldemort and Twitter VS. Darth Vader and iPhone 3G

July 9, 2008

For the first BattleFight debate, two behemoths of darkness go head-to-head accompanied by their favorite communication technologies: 

Lord Voldemort and Twitter VS. Darth Vader and the iPhone 3G.

Darth Vader/iPhone


  • Crazy lightsaber skills
  • Telekinetic choke hold
  • Exceptional pilot
  • Widescreen video and the ability to shop for music with just one tap



  • GPS locator – opponent can track location and progress
  • Limited phone service
  • iPhone arrogance and false sense of superiority
  • Paternal love




  • The Unforgivable Curses (Imperius, Cruciatus and Killing Curses)
  • Concise microblog posts (140 characters in length!)
  • Instant updates via SMS, RSS, and email
  • A snake



  • Twittering is addictive and a time-drain
  • Spam Twitterers that follow you in hopes that you will follow them
  • Love


Place of Battle: the battle will take place on the construction site of the new Twins stadium at dusk.

Special Rules and Conditions: 

  1. Both Darth Vader and Voldemort will be in their prime (Empire Strikes Back and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, respectively).
  2. Voldemort will have access to free Minneapolis public WiFi.
  3. Darth Vader will have a Bluetooth Headset connected to his iPhone 3G
  4. Voldemort will have a MacBook Pro (Tiger operating system) in order to Twitter
  5. Darth Vader’s machine body parts are immune to magic
  6. Voldemort has over 286 followers on Twitter
  7. Voldemort won’t have any horcruxes
  8. Vader can deflect projectile spells with his lightsaber
  9. Vader has a $50 gift certificate on iTunes