BattleFight Vol. II: The Terminator/Segway VS. Centaurs/Wikipedia

July 25, 2008

For our second installment of BattleFight, hardware faces off with open-source technology and humanoid horse-beasts: the Terminator spot-welded to a Segway versus a dozen or so centaurs with the cognitional knowledge of Wikipedia.

When debating this BattleFight please reflect on Victor Turner’s concept of liminality as well as the problems of natural/artificial dualism encountered by cyborgs.

 The Terminator/Segway

Strengths:

  • Living tissue over metal exoskeleton
  • CPU is neural net processor – a learning computer
  • Cold, relentless killer/killer one-liners
  • Top speed of 12.5 mph

 Weaknesses:

 Centaurs/Wikipedia

Strengths:

  • Adjustable speeds: gallop, canter, trot
  • Wikipedia is the fastest growing source of information on the internet 
  • Over 10 million articles in 253 languages
  • Beards

 Weaknesses:

  • Unreliable resources (citation needed)
  • Centaurs are prone to drink
  • Roundworms

 Place of Battle: the BattleFight will take place in an elephant graveyard located in Two Harbors, MN.

 Special Rules and Conditions:

  • The Terminator is the Terminator from Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
  • The Segway has unlimited battery power.
  • The centaur’s brains are constantly updated with the knowledge of Wikipedia as articles are updated.
  • The Terminator cannot get off the Segway (he’s welded to it and he’s programmed not to get off of it).
  • The centaurs have no magical powers. They’re just centaurs.
  • If a centaur breaks a leg, it is shot immediately. No questions asked.
  • The Terminator’s CPU is not wifi enabled. However, the Terminator is allowed to use the internet if he can find a segway-friendly internet cafe.
  • The centaurs communicate through a series of clicks and chirping sounds.
  • The Terminator’s mission is to destroy the centaurs.
  • There are medieval weapons hidden throughout the elephant graveyard and in downtown Two Harbors (the old downtown, not the new downtown).
  • Some of the centaurs have colored hair.

 Special thanks to Matt and Ashley from Puny for the nuggets of BattleFight inspiration.

The battle debate begins now in the comments.